Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Why the hell am I here

Why am I here?  Not In the existentialist sense; but, why did I come on this adventure.  I’ve been asked that so many times; why did I want to go on exchange, how could I leave my home and my friends for a year, why did I choose Italy, and I’ve asked myself the same questions so many times, especially over the last 3 weeks. 
I’ve answered so many ways: I want to learn a new language, I’ll get to experience another culture, I can travel more and see the world, I want to meet new people, to party hard duh, and this is my only chance to do something like this.  Maybe it’s because I didn’t get in my dream colleges and want to apply again or I’m just not ready for college and I am using this as an escape route.  Did I think I'd find something here I could not find In California or I'd learn more about myself  here and really grow up.  Was I just so sick of my home town that I wanted a drastic change or did I think I needed to travel across the globe to escape my parents(and If you're wondering, ten thousand kilometers Is not far enough). 
All of these are partially the answer but I think an answer lies deeper that I’ll never really know for sure.
But I've got do wonder, why would I ever make such a massive change in my life If I didn't even know why I was doing It.  Maybe it’s cause we never really know why we do what we do.  But more likely it’s simply... Why the Hell Not.
I know that as I sit here writing college apps about myself I don't have a really answer to even tell myself let alone others.  I know I am learning about a culture and a language, I did want to get away from my town and my parents--but for one I know I’ll never escape either they have made me who I am and additionally I now have another set of parents quite similar and a town that was not the drastic change I was hoping for.  I do think I could have gone to college but I know in this year I'll grow up a lot more then I would have in college and it is significantly cheaper.  Also getting to apply again to my top schools turned out to be a much bigger bonus then I had expected because In 3 weeks I have so many more answers for the applications then I did a year ago it’s astounding. 
At one point I was helping my host brother with basic calculus and had no clue want I was doing and started to think that I was already for getting the things I and learned and would be worse off waiting a year to go to college and I thought this year might be a waste.  but then I realized that In this year the growing up that Is happening will me magnitudes greater than that that would happen at a year of college and quite a bit cheaper.  additionally I may not be learning 3 dimensional calculus but Instead I’m learning skills I’d never learn without this, I’ve learned how to adapt to new situations, deal with different types of people and I’m surprised how well I can tell a story or order food with just hand gestures.  I’ve made friends with little more than a smile and a few laughs.  I know I can travel across the world on my own and over all I see that when things get hard I won’t only survive I can thrive.  I know that skills and confidence I have and will gain from this experience will far outweigh any negative or stupid facts Ill for get before college. 
This is kind of my rough draft for a college essay, now I just have to cut it down by 2000 characters. 

No comments:

Post a Comment